Spaces For Refuge

May 25, 2019

Heise, Idaho

How important is it to have a place of refuge when the stress of life hits? What makes a space impactful? We discuss a few elements that make up that type of space and share some stories about our own places of refuge. (While being out on the Snake River for a Sunrise).


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Transcript (provided by Chelsea Jones): Chase: Yeah we’re ready, man! Ty: You wanna intro us here today? Chase: Alright, this is Ty and Chase with Love Strong. We’re out by the Snake River. Woo-hoo! This is Ty’s old stomping grounds actually so he’s been giddy like a child all morning! Ty: Aw man, just as we were walking here today, just right out here behind me, one day I was out here fly fishing, and there was a mother moose that I didn’t see until I was about ten feet away and then when I heard her stomp at me, a baby stood up another ten feet away from me and she started chasing me. Actually; I started running out straight to the river to try to get away before she turned and left. My heart started pounding just coming through the woods today. Chase: Just think about the possibility of seeing that mom again! (Laughter) Ty: I know, I was kind of looking forward to it, hoping I would again, just because it was such a rush. (Laughter) Chase: Did you go under the water? Ty: So, I tried to run across the water, and I got three steps in and face-planted. (Laughter) Chase: Graceful! Ty: Yeah, it was pretty bad. I had a buddy with me, he was across the river, he said that he saw me come running out of the trees and he thought I was some miracle worker because I literally got four or five steps in before I actually fell. (Laughter) I was so panicked that I just freaked out, you know. Chase: It’s funny because I remember that story a lot of the time when I am out by the river or by bodies of water. For some reason, I always envision myself tripping and a hoof just come straight down on my back and just stomping me. It’s a fleeting moment–comes and goes–but just feels like a real thing that could happen. So you were that close! (Laughter) Ty: That’s what it felt like. I’m surprised it didn’t happen! Chase: Dang! So we we got up this morning and headed out from our place–Chels and my place–where we live in Idaho Falls. We came out, watched the sunrise up here by Heise up by the Hot Springs, up by Cress Creek… This is a really, really beautiful area. Ty: Yeah, this has been one of my favorite places. We used to live up here in Rexburg, as well; we actually now live in Logan, Utah, but I used to come here all the time. This is kind of my place to come and have peace; where I was 30 minutes away from home and I could come and get a couple of hours just to reset myself. I think just walking through here today, it brought back all those feelings and just thinking about how important it is that we take time to get away from the normal grind of life and find a place, or a situation, or something where we can find our own personal reset and we can seek and find relaxation. I know, in this particular place for me, I frequently–when I was working for the drug courts in Southeastern Idaho–I would frequently come here on the way home from work or on a day off just for an hour or two just to let all of the stress go from the problems I was carrying around from my clients and just see the value in making sure that we have a spot like that where we can do the reset. Chase: Which I’ve heard some of the stories that you shared about drug court and the the heaviness of it. To be able to have a place that you can come and reset, I’m sure at that point your life was critical, even just to find balance for that heaviness on the other side… Those stories I remember a couple of them in particular where it kind of left me in a hopeless funk, hearing about the place that some of these other kids were in. To be able to come out here and remember, “Oh yeah, there is a God… Oh yeah, there is balance… Oh yeah, life is good; life is actually still good.” That is important, especially for when we get to hit with the stresses of life. They’re coming, whether or not we want them to! Ty: Absolutely, absolutely. In fact, even just coming up here today: on Thursday, it’s Saturday now, but Thursday, I I took Friday off to go out to a field trip with my daughter. On Thursday was a kind of week were the end of Thursday hit and it felt like it should have been the end of a Friday because I was just so spent. And then I went and did this field trip and just knowing that I was coming up here to see you and them come and do this… Just the drive up alone was already starting to be recharging, but then walking through here–even when it was a little bit dark–and just seeing the trees, and feeling the wind, and hearing the water rush, there’s something really powerful about the water to me. It just moves through me and takes all my anxiety with me. Just seeing how important and the value in that–just my being being able to be tuned instrument to use it the way that I need to and want to in other parts of my life–it becomes absolutely necessary to for me to take something like this, the outdoors, do it for me and connect me to God and really help me get back in touch with my purpose and my passion. I love my job, I love my work, even though I get weighed down by that sometimes…I think it’s just so so important to be doing what I need to stay connected to my purpose and passion so that I can be that person in the lives of all the people that want to be. Chase: While you’re talking about that if it actually kind of reminded me of the power of a space. So, the place that you are physically in, the surroundings, the components that make up that environment… I work in an office environment. It is a good office but it’s an office! There are fluorescent light bulbs everywhere, the walls are as beige as they can be, and the carpet is that that super thin, like, “how-do-you-even-make-that” carpet. It’s a very sterile type of environment, and for me not having a window that I’m pressed up against, staring out into the wild blue yonder: it kills my soul a little bit sometimes. I come out here, as well, and I find that same kind of reprieve, that refuge, that solace, and thinking “what is it that is so good about this?” It’s the small things. There so many small things that I’m taking in collectively, subconsciously and just kind of storing as part of that experience. So right now let’s just describe a handful of them: the sound. What sounds are are you hearing that are like, “man, that sound is so nice.” Ty: I think it’s just the rush of the water, for me; to hear that slow kind of dull roar. When you mix that in with even the breeze that rolls through the trees, and the sounds of the birds. That all kind of comes together and you don’t get that in a cubicle-ized life. Right? You can’t have that. I know we talked about the idea of how awesome it would be to make our office space more like this instead of the cubicles we all live in. Chase: You mean “when!” I’m dead set on doing outdoor office: as awandering therapist–that’s gonna happen. You’re gonna be the hippie of the woods doing therapy with people. But, you’re right. As you’re speaking those things, I’m hearing them and separating them individually and it reminds me of… I was watching a Key and Peele video last night–so dumb, but hilarious–about Ironman and it’s the two valets that are talking about Ironman and how awesome Robert Downey Jr. is and Val Kilmer. One thing that they bring up is Sherlock Holmes. In this moment in the Sherlock Holmes movie with him, is like seeing all of these fraction-of-a-second moments and digesting them, breaking them down, and making them a part of his equation of how he’s going to either attack or respond to an attacker. One scene in particular–man, it was hilarious; had me rolling; Chels was dying laughing, too–but I’m doing the same thing in my head right now where I breaking down like all of all of the individual things. Like, that sound: I can hear the wind deep in the trees, maybe half a mile a quarter of a mile away, and it is just a very subtle thing; it’s so subtle. We’ve got the rushing water right up against the banks, right here, that’s a little bit more loud and pronounced. We’ve got even, when we’re taking footsteps, we are surrounded–I mean, we are surrounded in grasses right now, and dry grass, so as you’re stepping, you hear this hollow brushing. It is so subtle! Again a small thing, but the feeling of it, what it produces in sum, is amazing! That God can create this kind of space and for some reason we connect with it. Ty: Totally. All those things coming together, it’s not like we stop and pay attention to a single instance of one of those things until we sit and talk about it like this but we take for granted that moment as we walk through here with all of that overloading us and that’s what sort of helps to flush things through and go “wow, this is an amazing experience.” How often do we not take the time to stop and pause and to break those things down, and to notice all of those things; and come and do something like this where, when it all comes together, it does become refreshing and rejuvenating? You can’t really get that unless your being intentional with going and finding a space, or doing something that’s going to allow you to intentionally experience it. Otherwise, we just kind of stumble into it like a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while and… Chase: I’ve never heard anyone say that my life! (Laughter) Seems like solid gold! Ty: It is! So most of us live our 9 to 5, or 40 hour or 60 hour or 80 hour work lives, and then if we’re lucky we go home and watch Netflix to do something and numb out, but then we have a weekend event or something where we experience this amazing thing in nature, when in reality we could have at our fingertips all the time if we actually knew that we needed to intentionally seek it and make some changes in parts of our lives. Chase: Yeah, that’s stirring up out another thought about the times and thinking about the times in my life that I was intentional about seeking this out and times in my life where I was the blind squirrel and I was like, “sweet, a nut! Manna!” (Laughter) The times that I have felt most connected to myself, my calling, my purpose here in life is when I was seeking that out. I spent time watching lots of sunrises and was intentional about saying “I’m going to go out. I’m just sit in the dark for an hour and watch this gradient of light pour in,” and how good did that feel everyday? That’s, I think, the practice of noticing and recognizing the beautifully small things came into my life. Am I great at that all the time? No, definitely not. Right now I’m I’m trying to break back into where I was three, four years ago. When I do though–like this morning, stepping out here, standing by the the edge of the water and having the moment before the sun cross over the precipice, it felt so good to just be silent for 5 minutes and us not chat or think about anything other than what is! It is so good to be in a good environment and to not have to force any thought; just to just a bask in and soak up the moment. You’re absolutely right: seeking that out intentionally makes a big difference in our own personal feelings and and well-being. Ty: Yeah, as you are talking, I’m just thinking about coming to this spot so often there’s a quote that I heard once that said “many men go fishing never knowing it’s fish they’re not trying to catch.” That intentional idea of how I used to always come out here just to go fishing–which I still do because I love that right? And it’s like my passion, but I’ve always been chasing something else which has been my sense of connection to God or a higher power or sometimes even a connection my own father. When I’ve come out here with those things in mind, it seems like God speaks to me through those things; whether that’s a ripple in the water or a shape in a rock or, you know, finding a shed antler: that to me says God’s winking at me because I come with that intention of seeking Him and seeking to be close. It makes a difference in my connection. With that said, I don’t know, I think you got to go hit the river! Chase: Yeah! We’re not out here to fish, you know! I was telling Ty, the moment we put lapel mics on and waders, I thought “this is unnatural.” These two don’t go together! I feel tethered, what the– Ty: In a way, it almost feels like its own cubicle! (Laughter) Chase: Yeah! Anyway… Later! Ty: Thanks, guys!

The Author

"The Wandering Therapist"
I am a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist based in Northern Utah. I help men, women, and couple's heal their hearts and relationships from addiction and trauma. I love this process of redemption and I have faith you can experience it too.
based in Logan, Utah.