Is It Bad To Have A Porn Addiction?

is it bad to be addicted to porn in this video we're going to talk a little bit about what porn addiction is and then you can make the decision for yourself what's up you guys i'm tyler your wandering therapist i'm excited to be here with you today we're talking a little bit about porn addiction and this is a conversation that i get a lot with my clients i get this question online a lot and so we're going to talk a little bit about is it bad to be addicted to porn before we talk about porn specifically let's talk a little bit about addiction what is an addiction an addiction is the process that i go through where i begin to do something or partake of something that makes me feel good to the point that i get to a spot where i've got a habit of using that substance or in this case pornography and it's starting to have a negative impact on my life and i can't seem to stop so if i'm looking at pornography and i can't seem to stop and it's starting to have a negative impact in my life despite my attempts to stop that would be called a porn addiction so people come to my office all the time and say well i like porn i want to look at porn it's not affecting my life in any way i would talk with them and kind of do an assessment and ask them a few questions i want to ask you those same questions is pornography affecting your life some people say no some people say it actually spices my life up some people say it actually helps my life some people say it helps me sleep or it helps me calm down all those things are great things right that's fine the question is is what is the impact that it's having on your life and there sometimes are some things that aren't readily available to see that i challenge you to think about number one what is pornography doing to the way that you view relationships is it affecting the way that you view sexual relationships is it causing frustration in your sexual relationships with other people is there betrayal that your partner is feeling or are they feeling less than are they feeling like they're not important or they feel like they're not good enough that could be something that's called unmanageable in your relationships are you having expectations about what sex should be like that doesn't seem to play out in your real life because your partner doesn't actually want to engage in things the way that you're seeing it on the screen that has an effect on your relationships that can lead to unmanageability that can lead to problems in relationships that can lead to more disconnection and if i can't stop looking at pornography and then i can't get my expectations of what pornography has taught me to measure up with what's actually happening in my real flesh and blood relationships with the people that i love that could be a problem it doesn't necessarily make you a bad person if you're addicted to pornography ask yourself is it effective for the life that i want to live if i need pornography to go to bed at night is that a problem i would submit that life is becoming unmanageable if i need anything if i need anything to try to cope with life whether that's a substance or whether that's an action like pornography whether that's going shopping or playing video games for hours on end to cope with life what it's doing is it's pulling me away from the actual life that i have in front of me to live it doesn't make me bad but it isn't effective it's not effective for a whole hearted life when you look yourself in the mirror and you ask yourself am i living a whole hearted life does pornography fit into the picture does being addicted to pornography to the point that you need to have it fit into the picture for your overall goals of who you want to be that's the question we should be asking ourselves is pornography helping me to become the person that i want to be that i like to see in the mirror and to live a life of fullness and richness in my experience the answer to that is always a resounding no because of the effects that it has on the way that i see myself the effects that it has on the way that i see others the socialization that i get around what healthy sexuality is and isn't none of that takes place in pornography it leads to me having to struggle with those things and then i have the physical side of it that goes along that says now i need to manage it for stress and i need to use it for sleep and in those ways my life becomes more and more unmanageable in some ways it's the same thing as all of you waking up to your cup of coffee almost every one of us jumps out of bed and needs either a coke or a cup of coffee to get going for the day right is that a bad thing i don't know that it's necessarily making life totally unmanageable except for the day that you don't get your coffee or your coke and then you have headaches and you have shakes and you're more irritable then it makes life a little bit less effective so that's maybe something to think about you guys is that it's not necessarily about whether or not you're good or bad it's whether or not it's effective for your overall goals pornography does not necessarily lead to the principles of a whole heart of living and those principles are the pursuit of deep and lasting connection with god yourself heart and mind which means your ability to cope with life and deep connection with others thank you guys if you're watching this video and you find yourself struggling with an addiction to pornography check out the free recovery kickstart course on lovestrong.com it'll give you the resources that you need to get started on overcoming the addiction thank you so much for being here with me if you found this to be valuable for you please hit the like and subscribe button if you're facing particular struggles that you need help with or roadblocks that you're running into please submit a question i'd be happy to answer it for you [Music] you