Why is it so hard for me to act with courage when it comes to making an essential change to my overall wellbeing? Year after year, we do things that we think are good but can come at a high cost. It takes vulnerability to ask the worst case scenario to see if that cost is worth the results of a major change in life. The fear itself is usually worse than the actual challenge that comes with change.
How You Can Overcome Fear of Change
You know it is right, but for some reason you can't seem to find the courage to do it. Do what, you ask? Change. At Love-Strong, we’re here to help you learn how you can overcome fear and find the motivation to make those essential changes in your life.
Making changes in life can be really good for us—but why is it so hard to do? Year after year, we do things that we think are good for us but, those things often come at a high cost. Even though we know we need to make changes or alter our course, we have a hard time finding the motivation and courage to take action.
Let me give you a couple of examples:
Example 1 – My Client, the Grocer
I was talking with one of my clients recently about a challenge he’s struggling with at work. He operates a grocery store but not just as the manager. He does all things—he’s the baker, the meat cutter, the one who stocks shelves, and in addition, he’s the maintenance man and bookkeeper. In other words, he’s completely overloaded and overwhelmed.
As he listed out all the different roles he covers, I asked him, “Why don't you simplify your life? Why don't you hire somebody to do some of the bookkeeping or someone to stock the shelves or someone to cut the meat?”
He replied, “I know that that's the right thing to do but I'm so afraid that if I give up that responsibility, that it's gonna fail. I know what the right thing is to do because I'm burning myself out. I'm a shell of a man at home because I'm so tired from what I do at the store all day”
At the same time, he felt maybe he was failing because he wasn’t doing it all—and maybe taking a lot on is what good people do. In essence, my client was not only afraid of failure, he was also afraid to give up some of those many responsibilities and trust other people to help him.
Example 2 – My Part-time Work Dilemma
At the same time that I am lecturing my client on the need to simplify his life, I am in a situation that needs adjusted. The needed change has been pressing on me for several years.
I have been working a part-time job at UPS in order to provide medical benefits for my family. However, I ‘ve known for a long time that I need to stop working at UPS. Why? It’s taking up my mental energy and my emotional “bandwidth” as well as not getting enough sleep.
Even though I know I need to make the change and quit, the medical benefits have provided a sense of security to me and my wife. So, day in and day out, year after year, I've gone to UPS every single day. I go thinking what I am doing is something good, but the price has come at a high cost.
The ROOT of the problem
Why is it so hard to make changes you know will be good for you? What is the actual root of the problem?
F.E.A.R.
There is some level of fear that is holding you back. Possibly it is fear of the unknown. Maybe it is fear of trusting other people. Could be the change you need to make has a “pocket” of vulnerability you need to pass through.
But this is where being vulnerable can be a big help. Vulnerability means opening up and relinquishing your fears. It also includes sharing who you are and what you need instead of hiding behind your defenses.
Opening up isn’t easy, but you can do hard things. It takes vulnerability to look at the worst-case scenario, weigh the cost of making major life changes and see if the results are worth the effort.
Let’s look at how having courage to be vulnerable can provide a solution to the two examples I mentioned.
Example 1 Solution - My Client, the Grocer
In order for my client, the grocer, to get more balance in his life, he needs to relinquish his fears and risk trusting others to help at the store.
Sure, an employee might burn him and not do a good job—but he can adjust and keep hiring until the right one is in place. Hiring others might cost more on his bottom line, but the cost will pay off in the long run.
With just a few changes made at work, the quality of life he’s looking for can quickly happen, thus helping him be the best husband and father he wants to be.
Example 2 Solution – My Part-time Work Dilemma
What happens if I stop working my part-time job at UPS? Worst-case scenario, I have to figure out a different way to provide medical coverage for my family. Most likely, benefits will not be as good and we might pay higher out-of-pocket for medical bills. But, for having my emotional and mental bandwidth back, the cost may be worth it.
Take a Look at What’s Holding You Back?
My suggestion today is to take a look at the fear that is holding you back.
Is there something you have wanted to do for a long time but fear has kept you from tackling the challenge?
Maybe you have wanted to write a book. Perhaps you have wanted to train for a marathon or just get in better shape. Whatever it is, my challenge to you is to take a look at those things and realize the fear itself is probably worse than the actual consequence of action.
Challenge Your Fear, Change Your Life
If you want to change your life, you will need to challenge your fear. As you begin moving toward the changes you need to make, you will find overcoming the fear of changing is worse than the actual challenge of changing.
I’m giving you the challenge and that includes me too—challenge your fear and change your life. Take the risk. Make deliberate steps. Move into action.
Go create the life that you were designed for, the life that God wants you to live so that you can be the best instrument you can in helping other people. You got this.
Motivation to Change
If you would like help in finding motivation to change, contact Love-Strong. Our counselors in the WHOLEHEARTED Group Therapy sessions can help you take steps toward vulnerability necessary to overcome fear.
For those in or out of the Northern Utah area, online counseling sessions are also available.
Why is it so hard for me to do the thing that I know will be good for me?
What's going on you guys? Today we're going to talk a little bit about the ability to act with courage when you're faced with a choice that you know is right for you but for some reason you can't seem to find the courage to do it.
I was talking with one of my clients yesterday. He operates a grocery store and he's struggling because he does all things. He's not just the manager of the store—he's the maintenance guy, he's the baker, he's the meat cutter, he's the guy who helps stock the shelves. He's got so many things going on in his life that he's completely overwhelmed and overloaded.
And as we were talking, we're listing out all of the different roles that he covers. And I asked him, “Why don't you simplify your life? Why don't you hire somebody to do some of the bookkeeping or someone to stock the shelves or someone to cut the meat?”
And he said, “I know that that's the right thing to do but I'm so afraid that if I give up that responsibility, that it's gonna fail.”
In essence, what he was saying is, I can't trust other people to help me. And I know what the right thing is to do because I'm burning myself out. I'm a shell of a man at home because I'm so tired from what I do at the store all day. And I need to figure out a way to get more balance in my life.
But when I think of actually giving up some of those responsibility that I've taken on I have a really hard time feeling like I'm going to be a failure. That maybe I'm failing because I'm not doing it all. Maybe I should be stressed out because that's what a good person would do is to take a lot on. But I'm also afraid of trusting other people.
And so here I am lecturing him on the things he needs to do to improve the quality of his life. All the while I'm sitting on a on a situation myself that's been pressing on me for several years. I've been working a job, part-time at UPS, because that's how I get my benefits being self-employed. And I've known for a long time that I've needed to stop working at UPS because it's taking up my mental energy. I don't get enough sleep. It's taking up my emotional bandwidth. And I've known that I've needed to quit, but the benefits that I've gotten by staying there and having my medical benefits, they've provided a sense of security to me and to my wife. And so, day in and day out, year after year, I've gone to UPS every single day—going to work, doing something that I think is good, but the price has come at a really high cost.
Here I am lecturing my own client about the things he needs to do to simplify his life and I know the things that I need to do to simplify my life, and yet I still have a hard time finding the courage to do that.
And what is that? What's at the root of that? You might even have something in your own life that you're thinking right now, a change you need to make that you know would be good for you. What's holding you back?
And I would suspect that there's some level of fear? Maybe it's the fear of the unknown. I know that's what it is for me in my situation. I know it's the fear of trusting other people, potentially having to be vulnerable. The change that you need to make probably has a pocket of vulnerability that we have to pass through.
My suggestion today is that we take a look at what that pocket of vulnerability is. We take a look at what's actually going to happen, worst case scenario, if we actually start to move towards those changes. There might be some difficult things.
If I stop working my job at UPS and I have to figure out how to take care of medical insurance in a different way, there will be an adjustment there. The benefits won't be quite as good. We may be paying out a pocket for some of our medical bills—but maybe that cost is worth it to have the emotional and mental bandwidth back.
My client who's operating this grocery store, he's going to be a better husband and a father. And it might cost a little bit more on his bottom line to hire people to help him. He's gonna have to learn to trust people. And there's a risk that somebody might burn him, might not do a good job and he'll have to adjust to that. But maybe that cost is still better in the long run to have the quality of life that he's looking for.
Maybe you've been wanting to do something for a long time. Maybe you've wanted to start writing a book or you wanted to get in shape or you wanted to train for a marathon or something else and there's something holding you back. My challenge is to take a look at those things and realize that the fear itself is probably worse than the actual consequence that will happen if you take action.
So, I'm giving myself the challenge. I'm giving you the challenge to go step into that action. Go create the life that you were designed for, the life that God wants you to live so that you can be the best instrument you can in helping other people.
Have a great day.
Thank you so much for being here with me. If you found this to be valuable for you, please hit the like and subscribe button. If you're facing particular struggles that you need help with or roadblocks that you're running into, please submit a question. I'd be happy to answer it for you.