#2 Humility: Breathing Gratitude

What's up you guys. Welcome to another episode of the whole hearted podcast. I'm Tyler you your wandering therapist here with Chase pondering creator and we've got extra visitors. This is August Robert Jones he's shown with us is my son. He came out with this this morning so we got him adventuring we're out here where people come in Providence Canyon Utah they come shoot their guns and he's managed to throw about every kind of bullet casing in his mouth that you can think of right now. So good thing is Mom's not here to see our our supervision really quality stuff. Yeah well chase we. It's been a while since we've done one of these things and we've wanted to kind of continue to move forward with just talking about our core principles at Livestrong and our first core principle that we talked about was the wrestle with God. Right. And that was a good episode. There was a lot of fun shooting. That was a good episode. Yeah it was. It was a meaningful episode for me. Yeah I know that I felt really connected to you and I felt connected to God just in shooting the episode. Absolutely. I feel the exact same way. And and so today we wanted to just continue to move down what we call the 12 pillars of wholehearted living. And this one falls under the category of pursuing a connection with God but another principle of wholehearted living. And it's called humility breathing gratitude and the symbol for this one is green. So part of the reason we chose that symbol is because it's such a basic element of our our food and diet. Rice Barley we anything that is common to humanity and it's just thinking about the connection it has to a simple food for simple life. I think that's part of the reason that it was one that I was eating you know. Yeah yeah of. Yeah that's what I love about the symbols is they all really do mean something that goes along with the principle. So it's this is an interesting one chase because when you hear the word humility and when you think about how the world defines the word humility what what comes to mind weakness tends to be the first thing that hits in my mind is weakness. But I know that's not the reality of it. Right right. That's part of the reason we chose this. So why why to you do or what what do you think of when people write when oh well it's the same as you in the world that's seen as weak is seen as vulnerable it's seen as like you're going to get walked on. I also think that when we when I hear the word humility or at least the way that I was kind of raised and it wasn't intentional but the way that I interpreted things is is that humility was that you had to be self-deprecating you had to beat yourself up and you had to acknowledge nothing but your faults. And I think it's I think we've we've mistaken that and we've made humility about a word when in reality it might be one of the best attributes that any human being could ever possess. So true is when you think about the people that you know they embody that quality the way that we know it to be the truth of it. Those are the people that I like the most. Oh yeah. I just I want to spend all day with them. Yeah. You want to spend all your time with them. You respect them you look up to them and you find yourself wanting to be like them. And yet in the world standards they might be seen in a different way you know and I remember having my shift in the way that I viewed the principle of humility as I was moving through different stages in my life and at one point in my life when I was serving a mission for our church I had some experiences that taught me a different view of humility. And then when I got into my own recovery later on in more recent years I heard a definition of humility that I really really liked. And the definition was that if I'm going to be humble I have to be willing to accept everything that God says I am not not just not just the weakness and the faults and the flaws. There are many right. But but I have to also if I'm going to be humble I have to also accept everything he says that I am on the good side in order to be humble. And that's that isn't how the world defines it now. So this last week you and I had a conversation yesterday where I was sitting outside the front of your office journaling and you came out and were asking me some questions and I eventually told you dude I feel terrible today. I can just emotionally destroyed. And after doing some processing and having some really humbling experiences and I'll share a couple of those experiences one of them was going home and seeing my wife and telling her Hey it was it's been a rough day today and I don't really know why I just feel heavy and heard pouring out love and just wanting to console me and hold me and tell me Hey you're you're great you are a good man. That was one thing. Another thing was while that was going on I'm just sitting there on the couch kind of fighting with those terms because you know when you're not feeling great and somebody tells you the things you're like you know whatever. Yeah. You don't believe that. And then looking down and we've got all guys who's just staring up at me and just sweet little face like not make it is gentle and mild as he can be just like on my knee looking up at me you know and that feeling was just so good. Did it help kind of calm me some more and then the last thing was just having dinner with Chelsea and August and and as the sun was going down I just kind of looked around and notice how much I have to be grateful for. And it kind of helped me wash away the focus that I had on myself and focus on the things that matter the most which is family to me a feeling of connection to God. And then just being immensely grateful for the simple things that God has given me so that that helped a ton and I know you asked this morning me those two days go by. Yes this morning are you feeling better and like. I feel great. I feel like that burden has been lifted and part of the reason that it came on is because I was so focused recently with sharing my own vulnerable story and and going through watching the video you look at your weaknesses and you say I'm only weak. I have so many flaws. I I'm terrible at this whatever the thing is. You focus so much on that thing. If you're not truly being humble there is a difference between being weak and being humble or being feeble and timid versus knowing your strengths knowing your weaknesses and being ok with that being accepting of that. Yeah exactly and I think you've tapped into a couple things that I go along with this core principle and the way that you were able to climb out of a pit that you were in and that place of shame and doubt and fear that you were wrestling with a couple of days ago was that you were able to tap into gratitude. Another principle that this is the twin sister of humility in seeing that there is so much to be grateful for in your life. And as you start to expand and gratitude for those things it pulls you out of the self-centred tunnel that you are in and lets you see yourself in context of the bigger world and the bigger purpose in life. And and so as you pull yourself out of that now you can tap into everything again that the God says you are. And it's funny that you were in that spiral because you had just gone and shared your story. And the reason you're sharing your story is for the benefit of other people because because there's a gift that you have to give to the world that you had lost sight of and lost touch with. In terms of what God was wanting you to do in that moment. Right. The whole purpose was so funny that that torrent and I think you experience something kind of similar where you share this this story about the trials that you face the the burdens that the poor choices that you make and you expose that to the world and you say this is who I am. And then afterwards you're like Oh I hate myself I'm the worst. But you know the truth is you're not the worst. Those are all experiences that that made you who you are. And you have so much to offer. It's funny to me how quickly you can lose sight of that. Oh so so quickly. And that's that's where shame comes in which is the opposite of wholehearted living. And until August is a little bit. But. But I was just thinking you know as you're as you're talking when we look at. When we look at the principle of humility you know we look at the perfect exemplar of humility at least in our minds and in our world is Jesus Christ. Absolutely. And when you when you think of that that doesn't line up very well with how we view humility in the world where did Christ ever show up in the scriptures and be like. Guys I'm terrible. I'm never I don't know if I'm going to quite be like the savior of the world. No no. He showed up and on on several occasions he he referenced himself knowing who he was the bread of life you know the way the light the true vine you know he referenced himself from a place of conviction and who he knew he was. And and the way that you understand that is by knowing that you have a source to go to which is bigger than yourself to get your answers of who you are. Yeah I think I think that's hit me really hard right now. The truth of that because it in reality I rely wholly on God in Christ to sustain everything that I do for every bit of my life. It is it's not me right. It's purely because of God's goodness and His grace. So when I even for a moment think I've got this or I'm the one that's that's making a paycheck or I'm the one who's raising our kid or I don't want any of that. The reality is God's the one that's giving us all the strength all the guidance all all of the all the means necessary and we don't need to even try to rely on ourselves that does this no good. Right. And and it goes even a step further than that is that when you find yourself in those moments and we all fluctuate in and out of it. That's where I find myself sometimes feeling so connected to God and feeling like I know who I am who I am and what my purpose and passion is in life. And when you're operating from that place the benefit to ourselves is so immense because we find this vibrance in life. We find this energy we find this understanding and confidence in who we are. And then when you lose sight of that and when you go back into that self-centred place which is that I have to control everything or I have to be the one who manages everything right. You know I've got to dictate everything. You lose that. And it's it's right along that scripture that says you know he either will lose his life for my name's sake sake shall find it. And the way that you the way that you lose your life for his sake is by simply just agreeing with everything he says and and then being willing to take action based on those things. It's so hard to do so. Okay. What about points in your life where you you knew that God wanted you to lose more of yourself lose more of your life somewhere near it over to him but you bucked with that and you fought it and you kicked against the pricks for a little man like you think like almost like you feel like Jonah. Right. You know you're just like you're like I don't want to do that and you're like OK well you don't have to just go get eaten by a whale. You know I'll go through hell until you do what you're what you've got to do what you were called to do right. So I remember a particular time it happened to be while I was serving a mission for my church and I was struggling. You know I was having a great time I was doing what I wanted. I was not necessarily following all the rules. I was having a great what I thought was a great time and I remember in my mission president the president of our mission that we were we were on. He sat me down and he looked me straight in the eye and he said and Tyler I know what you're doing. I know you're breaking all the rules. You're not living up to who you are. He knew my grandfather so he threw that in there too. He's like your grandfather wouldn't be too pleased with what you're doing. And then he looked me in the eye and he said You're either with me and in turn with God or you're not. So. So what's it gonna be right here right now. And I remember after that meeting I had to look him in the eye and tell him I was with him. And then after that meeting I remember going home just feeling so weighted and burdened and feeling like man I don't know if I can do that this year. Do you mind if we step forward. We're also tethered to each other. So that's. So. So I love you. I love you too and could tell you're a good man. Yeah well we are so. So I remember going home after that and thinking like I don't know if I have it in me to follow the rules to a T. But that was a turning point in my service as a missionary. Because to that point I'd been miserable every day had been dragging on even though I thought I was having fun. And and after that turn what I realized is that when I lost myself in the service where I believe I was serving God trying to preach his gospel and trying to serve people who were downtrodden I found that in the more that I lost myself to that cause the deeper the joy was in my life. And I find that today even in my practice right now when I when I get busy being in touch with the fact that this is this doesn't sound humble but it is that God has called me to be a teacher and a guide and a leader and to do it through example if I'm in touch with that I have such joy and color and life whereas if I get busy going like Oh man I wonder how much money I'm going to make today or I wonder if I'm going to be able to do this without the other or this is all on me then it's like drudgery. Yeah you know I'm thinking of all the times that I've done that and it's making me cringe you know because but it's human. I mean we all do it. We really all do it. I haven't met anybody that doesn't doesn't have that is a woe of some form. OK so what. What about what about the people are. Are there any examples in your life in your life. So you know Christ obviously the perfect example of humility and meekness also gratitude. I mean everything he he embodied all of that. What about people in your own personal life that have have captured that that quality as well. I have humility Yeah humility I reference my my family members a lot but my my grandma grandma Jean. She she embodied that to me to a T. And it's interesting because she had a very simple life you know when I knew her and as I knew her and as I grew up there really the only purpose she had in life at least that I could gather was to be a grandmother to me and my brothers and sisters my cousins and. And yet she found such joy in it where she she would sit and she would teach us about how she believed in God and the principles that she believed in. And then she just kept busy loving us and and there wasn't any fanfare. You know no one's gonna ever really know who. Jeanne Norton Patrick was other than her family. And yet she was maybe one of the best finest people I know because things were never really about her. They were they were about they were about her family because she believed that's what God wanted her to be doing was taking care of her family. And she took such joy and and pride. I should say was We're talking about humility but pride in the sense that you know she she knew who she was as a leader and as a caretaker of the souls that she was connected to. That's beautiful. I I wish I'd gotten meet her before she passed away. She's. She is. She has always said to them that amaze an amazing woman and she I mean she had Alzheimer's for about 20 years so there were some really interesting times too at the end. But she never once even even through her Alzheimer's lost the spirit spirit of her humility. So how about you Chase. You got anyone in mind so the guy that comes to my mind is a friend from Idaho Falls Charleston I lived there for just a year. We the Church that we went to is right on the same street that we lived on and there was a guy in our congregation named Curtis Johnson and Curtis Johnson was a he's a baker. He he would bake bread and drop it off on our doorstep probably at least once a month if not once every couple of weeks. And it was all sorts of stuff. It was a little pies it the cinnamon rolls it was just just delicious treats on top of having a loaf of bread that he he would bake and drop off. I happen to know that we're not the only ones that received that. So from talking to other people there are other people who said and Curtis Johnson dropped off a loaf of bread and half the time it was at 5:00 in the morning when it's not like you're gonna be over there chatting with them. I remember the first time we received it. I didn't know who it was from. It's like well this is super nice. You know whoever whatever Baker Angel dropped us off but that's just one small example. Curtis would also I remember one time riding my bike to work early in the morning in the winter there's a foot of snow on the ground. Curtis Johnson is out with a snow plow plowing the sidewalk for the whole block. He only lives in one house. He doesn't live in all of those houses. He's not responsible for any of that. He was out there serving selflessly and at an hour where nobody was going to be awake by the time that he got finished. So to me that there's selflessness is part of humility and being willing to give of yourself is kind of like you're talking about with your grandma. I mean the focus was never on her you know as as a grandma. Right. That's what made that relationship even more powerful. And to me this this guy this friend of ours never demanding any kind of attention or recognition for the things that he was doing. That is a big deal. That's a massive deal and I think again it goes a little step deeper it's like he could just do that because that's just what he does or he does it because that's who he is. Yeah you know and in my grandmother's case and Curtis's case they do those things because they're in touch with and knowing who they are. And you know I remember at a time in my own life it was early in my own recovery process when I was so stuck in like this thinking this place of thinking I'm so terrible and I'm never gonna be enough and I'm letting everybody down. And I remember a particular night that I was just so broke and I laid down on the floor I could barely move. I mean I just like I felt lethargic from shame and I cried out I cried out in prayer to God just vocally by myself. And and and I remember feeling completely filled with love and I had thoughts coming on my mind that said Tyler like you are you are my son and you are a teacher and a guide and you are a force for good in this world. And I thought to myself I felt I felt such a distinction between now and I suck and how how could this be true when I do suck you know. And yet that's exactly how it works. And so I go OK yeah I have my weaknesses and I've got to work on those weaknesses. But we've heard a scripture before that says that men and when men come to me I will show them their weaknesses and I give men weakness that they may be humble. Right. And if they'll humble themselves before me and have faith in me then I will make weak things become strong. And that has been my experience in all aspects of my life that when I finally break and I mean breaking a really good way or where you break into God when you break into something bigger than yourself he makes more out of us than we could ever make of ourselves. And he does it with our garbage you know. He takes our garbage and he makes us somebody so much more magnificent than we could ever make of ourselves. And that's been my experience time and time again. And it's still a challenge like every day. I know that if I were to go get my other weaknesses over right now he would make them strong but it would come through hell. And and it's hard to give that over but it's just a true principle. OK. Well while we're here how about let's have a commitment. What is what is one. One weakness of yours that you're you're ready to now give up. Oh man I don't know. I know the weaknesses I don't know if I'm ready to like say it out loud. I don't know. I don't want to go through the hell. Right. I know that's what I'm trying. I want you to vocalize it so bad to hold you hold you accountable. Well I think one of the things that I have as a as a weakness of mine is is that I often live in fear especially as it relates to taking care of my family and and the way that that fear manifests itself is that I never give anything up. Like I told you I told you the other day I'm a job collector. I don't like transition jobs. I just add more and more jobs. It's like you're at capacity here. Right now we're at full capacity. I think the last week I've been averaging like 18 hour days and it's just like it's been crazy and there's something inside of you that knows something has to break. Something has to give and every time I think about that then there's this fear that comes in and says yeah but yeah but what if you lose this or what if you lose that or how are you going to manage this. And of course we know that fear and shame and doubt are. Are the opposite end of what humility is. And it's just a matter of getting your heart to that place the broken heart and the contrite spirit to be able to do it. And I don't I don't know if I've gotten there yet. I I don't think so. Yeah. And I want to yeah you know I want to and I I think I'm much closer than I ever have been. But I'm moving in the right direction. I don't know if I'm ready to hold myself accountable all the way yet but I want to you know and I think sometimes that's what it takes is it takes that little bit of a step and those those little moments and those little breaks and uh good. Is looking for something to play with. Well it's good stuff. Uh so yeah that's what I'm working on right now. And I know that that sometimes comes and it doesn't always come instantly because of pride because of my unwillingness to let God be God right when we were driving up. You said I asked you what what terms had come to your mind. And you said willingness was was one of the first ones willingness and surrender. And. I looked back and I think of all the times that I had that. Those are some of the best times. Like really hard transitions you know because you're taking these steps in the dark and you're saying all right God I trust in you feels right fully here. Take take Jesus Take the wheel. Yeah. Yeah. And but then at the same time the reward the feeling of knowing that you have that much faith that much faith in God's abilities to make something good of you. That's amazing. I mean even right now as we're working on this project with Livestrong I've had these waves where I get down on myself and you know that the bully in your head of I'm the worst. All of that. But then these high points of God trusts you and you trust me so fully that he's willing to give us this great challenge. You know this. This isn't an adventure but it's also one of the the greatest challenges that we could embark on and trying to help people overcome sexual addiction. Trying to help people tap into their their true self heartedly. Yeah. Reclaiming their hearts. Holy. What a big task. What a massive task. And it's funny because even since we started the project and we feel like we have these moments where we are acting from this place of humility and willingness and saying God will do whatever you want us to do. And it feels right when we do it. There's always a feeling of liberation it's not never easy. You're right and it doesn't. Almost never turns out the way that you've drew it up in your mind. But but there is that feeling of liberation and peace that comes with it. And I've experienced it even with you in the project many times. And yet every time there's a new step to take. There's there's that fear that you have to learn to step through and surrender. Back over to the process of saying well if this is what God wants this is this is what I've got do. Yeah. And it's it's been a really cool growing experience and it's an ongoing process. It's our hearts are so prideful by nature you know. I mean look right. I know you're prideful in terms of self controlling you know and and that's I think that's the constant struggle throughout our whole lives is learning how to cultivate that humble heart. That ability to turn towards somebody bigger than yourself and say I'm willing to give whatever I've got to give for your purposes. And and it's been a really rich journey so far. Yeah. So now you've got anything else on your mind Chase. Honestly I feel really good about. The discussion we've had and the way that we've covered it so awesome. Well let's go let's call it are up thanks you guys.