Who’s On Your Team And How Do You Build A Rock Solid Team?

Music] what straight to business you all right let's do it why do uh ducks have tail feathers I think I've heard this one before should cover their butt [Laughter] quack hey did you know uh there's a there's a guy on staff who said he sounded like an owl I sound like an owl yeah really do you know I just on my you know on my profile on my computer I just changed it from it was like a coin for some reason I just changed it to an owl yesterday did you really yeah yeah it sounded like an owl yeah that's funny yeah I guess they're wise I was trying to get you to say who but oh who you almost said it you bird I I figured you probably wouldn't say their name with it being on the podcast I totally say their name it was me um speaking of Team actually that's what I wanted to talk about today who's on your team and how did you build such a rock solid team check that out nice catch dude that's part of being a team part of being on the team we're going to be doing that a lot this morning it looks like yeah so um yeah who's on your team and how do you build a rock solid team yeah yeah that's a really good question um how important is it to have a good team mildly you know like I you know you're bringing this up because of what we did this last weekend yes yeah um but yeah we yeah maybe dive into that yeah let's just talk about that for a second um we're getting ready to put on this Rising Sun Retreat right and we've asked several people maybe more than we need to to be on our our staff this year I think we got like four 35 guys coming and 10 staff or 11 staff 11 St including the three of us so but the reason part of the reason why we have such a big staff is because we just want all those guys to be on staff with us right right yeah and uh because we love being around them so we decided to put together this pre-event event where we're going to go through a couple of our pieces of material for the retreat and we invited all of them to come down to a house and stay house with us for the night we had tacos together we went and actually went on a nigh hike and did one of our events that we do and um and then afterwards we were sitting around just kind of decompressing and talking about what we just experienced and I was just overwhelmed by gratitude for the caliber of men that we're surrounded by now yeah like the their heart you got a mosquito directly on your eyebrow dude I almost slapped it it was like right there H it was it was there literally swarming all over the place I think I've got like seven on me already so mosquitoes this morning that's what it's going to be but it's a beautiful sunrise so yeah so you can't even focus it's like that one hair that grows out of your head yeah so now I'm going to have a big I'm going to have like a big dot in the middle of my forehead now for the next week that's going to be great for the retreat I got the one on your shirt you know I was like they're literally swarming I can feel them swarming around my head and yours too so yeah yeah I hope they like your blood type more yeah we'll see so no but really honestly like we're talking about team and and how grateful I was that we've got those guys that are they want to be involved in our lives they want to be involved in the things that we're doing we want to be involved in theirs and they were willing to show up I mean some of these guys drove for a couple hours away yeah to come take probably a day off of work to come do some thing with us just random right and I mean you got you got a guy going with you tomorrow who's taking a whole day off of work to just basically go and set something up in the mountains for a whole day you know and he's it's just it's just awesome to have that kind of like support and help and and love and and man the quality that it adds to life the Vibrance that it adds to life the feeling of support like oh man as human beings to have that like safety net that we know is you know behind us is it's really really valuable so true I mean to have to have guys come out and support you and your Endeavor right it's like they this this doesn't this is a random thing to them yeah and at the same time they're all in y um and I I think that's maybe a rarity in this world yeah um and that's something that I I I guess I wonder how do you how do you cultivate the type of relationship that would draw that out in people yeah that's a good question I we talk about this a lot in our treatment and um we call it the relationship funnel where you know every single one of us has a wide wide funnel right now you got one on your cheek now too right there get it no you got it but it's like still smashed on your face that's fine as long as he's dead he's can't do any more of the sucking so yeah check that out yeah good catch yeah um yeah we talked about the relationship funnel and uh this is not going well today Chase is what it is we can maybe cut out it is what it is so um by the way we didn't we he hear this Summer that they're drawn to bad smells like Bo yeah well we've we've been hiking for an hour so I'm sure that's part of the reason why as soon as we stopped we just both got swarmed by them yeah but uh yeah so let's try one more time I'm going to talk about the relationship funnel and uh it's this idea that we we have multiple people in our lives that we could have some type of interaction with the clerk at Walmart the gas station person someone at church your therapist you know whoever and systematically we then funnel people into our closer into our Center as we get to know them better as we align our values with them and as we start to have certain things happen shared experiences being one of them right and so it takes it takes intention to move people from the wider parts of the funnel to the inner parts of the funnel and then it takes the building of trust it takes shared experiences and sometimes it takes struggle to to build that kind of rock solid team and I think if you look at the team we're talking about that's helping us right now we've had all of those things we've had some level of shared experience inside of those shared experiences I think every one of the guys on the team actually came to the retreat at some point or another and that Retreat is a shared experience and it's a struggle it's there's some real chall some real press there's some real vulnerability there and vulnerability is the key and when it was met with when those things were met with trust it builds intimacy and we love every single one of those guys like I have a deep sense of love for you know as a result of that and so I think that's maybe one way that we build a team and it's hard to do that because it takes time and energy and intention and you know when you're when you got so many people out there to divy up your time to espec especially if you're a family man and a church man and a Workman and it's it's hard to even step a little bit further out and still put in the time to build some of those good friendships as well oh that's that's so true just kind of going through each one of them in my head and how how much they've they've done to kind of help us grow and and I I think about the influence that you've had in their you specifically and i' i' have some overlap there but not not nearly as much a lot of those were cultivated initially on on your side and um you had mentioned when vulnerability is met with trust I think that's that it's a two-way street right it's like um if you want to have some good friends you probably got to be a good friend right you know and the those qualities and characteristics that you you value you have to embody them in order to uh what's the the phrase uh your Vibe attracts your tribe yeah right so true yeah yeah 100% you know it's interesting as you're talking too thinking about that that you're saying oh well you you met those guys because of me but what I think is interesting is between the two of us you do a really great job of investing time and making intention to keeping those relationships going whereas I don't spend as much time doing those kinds of things it's hard if you're at the grind yeah it's like that's that's that's one place where my workaholism sometimes gets in the way and so it's like an interesting thing that a lot of the relationships we have have come through that venue of actually my work but then I haven't taken the time to cultivate those things as far as I'd like to yeah because I'm back at work and then you're a great example to me of going yeah I haven't talked to so and so in so long I'm going to go do a sunrise with this person or I'm going to go have dinner with that person or we're going to go to a concert together and I think that you got that like that's a necessary part of that development of the funnel that uh that's really hard to do because life gets so busy yeah that's that's really true it and it's it's also a balance right I mean like with anything um because I I think uh I I think about some of the the guys that we've been able to connect to and um just kind of more broadly like if if this is something you're working on in your own life like um you can't hang out with people all the time right right just you can't do it yeah there's a finite amount of that and I remember when I was first learning about the goodness of having a team it almost got abusive you know like borderline abusive where guys are like hey take it easy I get off work at 5: I can't meet you at 515 every day yeah exactly hang out every day so I I do think there's a exhaustion element there that you you kind of toy around with and play with and have to find that balance otherwise uh you could you could scare some people off but um but at the same time like it's a give and a take process and and one thing I've I've noticed is there's been times where I've been more sacrificing and willing to contribute and help somebody out and then times when maybe I'm down and struggling that other and it's it is really so beautiful and valuable to have in your life these kind of relationships where you feel supported and you can support too yeah um you know one one of the funny things that we've gotten feedback is that um for guys being on staff for example we've asked the staff members like hey what feedback on what's gone on right right and one of the biggest things that say is you don't let us help you you never say you you ask us to be on staff and then you don't let us do anything and and I you know we keep on talking about this retreat but it's it's more uh broad than that like it how often do you allow people to help you specifically so so hard it's like it's actually a conscious choice in my head I heard this thing from beray brown one time and it just hit me in the face like a smack just like like she's like you know when when you have a relationship with somebody and you never allow them to reciprocate they will eventually resent you because they'll feel in debt to you and they'll never be able to catch up and then they'll push away from you and as soon as she said that I was like that's me like ah ah so so I've actually made it a point in the last couple of years to to be open to asking for and receiving help when people offer it instead of being like no no no no it's like let me think if there's a way I can say yes to this cuz even it just I feel like I'm taking advantage of people but in reality that's part of how you build a good relationship right well I recognize that in you too sometimes you know and in the past it'd be like hey man do you want help with that thing and be like no I think I can do it and then nowadays what it looks like is hey man do you want help with that and you'll be like and then I'll say yeah let me help you the pause yeah it's like oh that's Tyler's way of saying yes he can't say yes cuz that will I would shatter his pride but he just said yes like no it's like I've been I've been trying to work on that and it still catches in my throat sometimes like it's like I'll be carrying like four things out to the truck like hey you want I got it you're kicking the door open you know it's like all I'd have to do is just hand just hand one thing off to you and be like like and you know what that would do something for our relationship it's like these guys here they that's the feedback they did give us was you never let us help with anything and so this year we've actually tried to step a little bit further into saying how can we let them help because they want to because that cuz that's how that's going to help build a relationship partially right yeah it has to go both ways um otherwise it's not really a friendship right you know um I last year had uh one of my my neighbors and my my good friends uh tell me during an activity that uh is all about really exposing the person and and and letting them see that you can see their weaknesses even though like I see you bro yeah it's like you know like playing hide and seek and this is what they're doing and you're like dude you're just covering your face with your hands I can see August um but he he told me he was like you you don't ever ask for help and it's not because you don't need help like oh it's so true it hurts yeah sting so good but that uh that's been something I've been working on as well actively because I know that it it's like you said it it helps to build relationship actually cultivates the relationship as a whole yeah you don't want to take advantage of people there's difference but but receiving help especially when it's freely offered that's against our nature as human beings and I think especially as men in this world and yet that's one of the biggest tools for building that team yeah and and what do you miss out on I mean think about what we would have missed out on this weekend if we if we weren't willing to be grateful for the help that so many people want to offer yeah Abol and how much they would have missed out on too because I think they all had a great experience as well this is an example that is bubbling up right now last year you shot your first elk mhm and the day that you got it that morning I mean probably moments after it was right after I shot it um you called and I was sitting in the house with with the kids I was going to be watching them chel had some some stuff she was doing for school and when you you didn't ask hey I want some help cleaning this or anything like that I just kind of said that'd be sick to come I'd love to come I'd love to come actually help you like dress out the elk pack it out cuz I've never done it I hadn't either by the way right yeah which was OB you had to invite like 12 other guys to come clean I had to call up like my my my my friend from across town with horses and be like hey can you show me how to like dress out an elk like oh yeah I'll bring my horses you know so we had a whole team show up my brother came from two hours away cuz he was so excited about it and all of us with one guy who actually knew what he was doing like cleaned out the CK and packed it off the mountain side it was awesome yeah it was awesome and and and that wasn't you reaching out for help necessarily at least not in the relationship with me but um one thing that was kind of cool um it's like a step away from you reaching out to the people in your circle was I reached out to people in my circle saying hey I've got the kids this morning but I'd really love to go have this experience with Ty that I don't know how often this is going to happen um and I've never had this before would you be open to watching the kids for a few hours so I could go do that how cool is that and you know and then you have people in your peripheral take care of what you needed help with yeah that's a what a that's a really cool example yeah so it's just it's cool how how that works out and then you know simultaneously there's things that we've done for them and and just the relationships that you can build they when you're in a in a pinch people are there for you when when you're having good times you can have people there for you like it it doesn't matter what stage or or struggle you're in in life it's like having people on your team makes such a blessed difference oh man huge quality to life and it's something that a lot of us are starved of and we get this like fake sense of it through our social media and other means but to have the real thing really does make a difference so it it almost feels like we're talking about unicorns a little bit like like it's not possible but and we've talked about the relationship funnel how much time does it take to cultivate something like what we're describing yeah well what I think the statistics for marriage say that you should spend about 14 to 20 hours a week on your marriage so work 40 hours a week spend 20 hours on your marriage plus being a a dad or a mom you don't have a lot of time left but you know once you once you get it going it doesn't take all that much right it's like it takes it takes a few of those pivotal experiences those are the big bang for your buck kinds of things like the guys who came to the retreat in 3 days they were like best friends and now they can spend you know a couple of minutes a day on a on a Marco Polo or a phone call once a week or like I have roommates from college that are still some of my best friends that I maybe get a text or text to them occasionally I see their text thread a lot but if I called them and said hey I'm coming to Florida they'd be like come stay with us or hey let's get together I'm coming into town for some business like can we get together for lunch and instantly we would be back to being straight back to connected again because there's already already been that connection forged so I would say The Upfront cost of some shared experience and maybe some struggle is maybe the biggest investment but then it's just maintenance of yeah we just got to make sure once in a while we're still like I got a best friend who he's been calling me for four months Tyler I just want one day to go on the river with you to go fishing it's like I'll find a day I'll find I haven't found a day I'm like I'm being a terrible friend so I'm going next I'm going next weekend to hang out for one day with him on the river I'm so excited about it even though I'm like dying inside cuz I just cancelled bunch of appointments so um but it's worth it it's something that needs to happen so right yeah yeah absolutely oh yeah any other thoughts good good topic today yeah you know I think we're lucky if any of us at any given time have three or four people in the Inner Circle on our team but it's worth the effort to cultivate that because when things go south having that is a lifesaver quite literally for some people sometimes so yeah yeah actually yeah plus it's fun to think about a funnel of people just think about the ones you're trying to move out yeah yeah exactly there it goes both ways you got you got to move some out and so some can come in the right ones can come in