What is Radical Acceptance? …and Why is it “Radical”? (DBT Skill)

let's talk a little bit today about the power of radical acceptance [Music] what's going on you guys we're going to talk a little bit today about things happen to life that you don't have control over that you don't like and how to best deal with those things when they come up so many of us in fact all of us we run into situations where beyond our control something happens that we don't like maybe somebody makes a mistake and hurts us in some way you know somebody doesn't follow through on a commitment that they've said that they would do or we get sick when we don't want to be sick and have medical problems when we don't have medical problems whatever it is this world is full of things that we don't like and the interesting thing about that is is that most of us we get hyper focused on the things that are going wrong that we don't have control over and we put our focus on those things and it actually causes an increase in the amount of suffering in our lives as a result so today I want to talk a little bit about the power of a skill called radical acceptance and teach you a little short exercise to practice with this radical acceptance is about getting yourself to accept the reality of your situation even if you don't like it so many of us don't like to accept that things aren't going our way and we shouldn't always accept in terms of just giving up and rolling over and dying right but we also need to accept the real quality of our situation because once we're there it gives us the power to choose a response that fits the reality of our situation so a couple of things you know just going on in my life and in the lives of my kids right now that would kind of illustrate this point a little bit one is that I have currently an infection in my eye that doesn't allow me to wear my contacts so I have to wear these glasses that make me look like Mr Fredrickson so I don't like that but the truth is is that I have either a scratch on my lens or an infection or something that doesn't allow me to wear those contacts without getting inflamed more and so I can either sit and complain about how miserable it is that I have to wear my glasses and they're clunky and they you know float around on my head all day or I can just accept the truth of the situation that I'm gonna have to wear glasses for a while until at least until I get my eye problem figured out and I will suffer less when I accept that because now I'm not focused on all the negative things and complaining about what should or shouldn't be and being mad about something that isn't going to change today because it is what it is today my wife has some medical problems we've been taking care of them and she's finally in a decent place now where those medical problems aren't nearly as bad as they used to be but she still gets an occasional headache and she gets this tingling and numbness that goes down through her fingers because of some nerve damage that had happened in her neck yesterday she was complaining about that tingling that nerve damage in her fingers the simple truth is is that as much as she doesn't like it it's there and it's probably not going away it's going to come and go probably for as long as she lives and as soon as she can come to an acceptance of the fact that that is her reality she's still going to do her best to take good care of herself but she can accept it without complaining without being upset about it and it'll actually decrease her suffering so here's a quick exercise for you if you're in a spot where you have a situation in your life that is beyond your control and you don't like it small exercise called willing hands open your posture open your hands up and you're simply just going to practice saying I don't like this I can't change this I'll accept it and you can do it multiple times almost like a mantra and what you're doing is you're getting your body and your brain to try to get into the reality of the situation that is something that's in your life that you don't like and once you can come to acceptance it will allow you to suffer less and have more choice so I don't like this I can't change this I'll accept it thanks thanks thank you so much for being here with me if you found this to be valuable for you please hit the like And subscribe button if you're facing particular struggles that you need help with or roadblocks that you're running into please submit a question I'd be happy to answer it for you [Music]