What Is Humility In A Relationship?

how can i have humility in my relationships what's going on you guys today let's talk humility we're going to outline a little bit about what actual humility is and what a false sense of humility is and then we're going to get into the details of how you can use it to strengthen your relationships hey guys i'm tyler wandering therapist i'm excited to be here with you today i wish you could feel the air that i'm standing in right now it's a beautiful spring morning out here in cache valley utah the sun's just cresting up over the mountains you probably hear some of the birds in the background it's just a beautiful morning and i wholly endorse just because i'm out here enjoying it that if you've got some place where you can get to nature today i'd encourage you to get out and explore that a little bit but today let's talk humility this is an interesting topic because some people view humility as a weakness other people view humility as beating themselves up and so today we're going to talk a little bit about what actual humility is and why it's a benefit not only for us personally but in our relationships uh most people if you talk to somebody and ask them about humility is or or you if you hear somebody or think of the most humble person you know what happens with humble people humble people are often seen as sometimes poor they're sometimes seen as weak they're sometimes seen as less than and often times we define ourselves as humble if we beat ourselves up and don't create take credit for any good that we do in this world and i would suggest to you that this is an inaccurate view of what actual humility is as i've studied and has learned as i've gone through my own personal process i've come to believe that humility is one of the greatest attributes and principles that we can live by because it leads to gratitude and it leads to connection and it leads to the ability to grow because we have an accurate understanding of who we are so here's a definition of humility that i'd suggest you consider humility is an accurate knowledge of knowing exactly who we are in god's eyes it's understanding not only our weaknesses of course understanding what our weaknesses are is part of it but it's also understanding our strengths it's understanding who we are in god's eyes and what i bring to the table in life and what what other things i might need to work on and so when i'm accurately in touch with who i am i'm able to use my talents and strengths for the benefit of other people and i'm also to give my able to give myself permission to go to work on the things that i'm not quite so good at so if we're taking our questions about who we are to a higher source to god and we're getting our answers back then we can have an accurate idea of the things that we need to work on and we also get to keep and hold on to those things that we're really good at so i used to struggle with this in the past people would come to me and they'd say things like tyler you're so good at listening or tyler you're the hardest worker that i know and what would you say because you wanted to be humble no i'm not somebody else works harder than me or somebody else is kinder than me or somebody else listens more than me thinking that that was humility but in reality that's a counterfeit of humility because the truth is is that i was good at listening and i am a hard worker and i know that that sounds arrogant when you say it out loud at least in the world that we live in but the truth is that those things are actually true there are some other things that i could work on i could definitely learn to be more sensitive i could be learn to be a little bit more in touch with people sometimes i can learn to take more time in my relationships those are all things that god has told me that i need to work on as well and when i understand both of those things i become a better instrument and it allows me to continually be a work in progress so let's apply this concept of humility to relationships what happens when your partner comes to you and says something critical maybe your your spouse maybe your wife or your husband has come to you recently and said boy you you do a terrible job of cleaning the house or wow for for being my partner you don't listen very well if we are humble in the sense that we know who we are in god's eyes we can take that criticism and instead of getting defensive and when we get defensive we do a couple of things usually in relationships we either shrink away and try to disappear or we get defensive when we attack back and then we end up in some type of a fight or a disagreement either one of those things lead to leads to more disconnection but if i instead take that criticism and i apply it to my system of finding humility i can then take that to god and i can say hey god do i need to learn how to listen better or could i do better at doing you know helping out around the house a little bit and if the answer comes back yes with curious with a curious question then we can go back to our partner we can say you know what you're right about that that's something i can improve on it's really hard to fight with somebody when you're able to step into the same space with them and agree on whatever principle of truth is actually there it doesn't mean we have to beat ourselves up and think we're a total failure as a husband or a wife or as a partner it simply means that with that one aspect of my life and in my relationship i'm now being given the opportunity by my spouse to take a look at those things and to roll them through the system that i have of asking god if those are things that i need to work on and in doing so i build trust in my relationship it feels safe and secure when i can talk with somebody and it's not going to get defensive i get the opportunity to continue to grow which is exactly the whole reason we were put on this earth to do and and it allows me to then strengthen myself and become a better instrument in the context of my relationships if i'm now being pointed out that i can learn how to listen and then i agree that that's true and then i go to work on learning how to listen it circles back around into my relationship where i'm now allowed to have a deeper connection with my partner because they were willing to share with me what their concerns were and i was willing to listen because i already know who i am i already know that besides needing to be a better listener sometimes i'm still a good person deep down at the core with all these other skills and attributes so ask yourself if you've talked to god lately and ask him if you've gotten a true assessment of who you are not just with your weaknesses but with your strengths because in knowing your strengths and your weaknesses you're now able to be an instrument in god's hands for good you're also able to be in a continued process of growth which is the whole reason we were sent here so challenge for you guys have a conversation with god and ask him what your strengths and your weaknesses are and then take a moment and step in your relationships and the next time you get some criticism express some gratitude and ask yourself the genuine question if those things are actually true and if that's something you can improve on you guys have an awesome day thank you so much for being here with me if you found this to be valuable for you please hit the like and subscribe button if you're facing particular struggles that you need help with or roadblocks that you're running into please submit a question i'd be happy to answer it for you [Music] you