Have you ever done something for someone with good intentions only to find out later that your decision actually resulted in greater harm to them? I had this scenario play out last week with my dog, Rooster.
It all happened last Sunday morning. I woke up early and got my youngest daughter Paisley (nicknamed Boots for reasons I’m sure we’ll explain in some later post) out of bed because we had set a date to take the dog for a hike enjoy some time together. Boots excitedly climbed into the truck and was already starting to talk my ear off about the things she was planning on doing that day.
As my dog, Rooster, jumped into the bed of the truck, I glanced at his travel kennel and the thought crossed my mind that I should load him in there for the drive to the mountain, but he looked like he was having so much fun and I thought “It’s only a couple of blocks away, he’s been doing really good with his obedience, he will enjoy the ride better if he can stick his nose into the wind.”
I decided to give him more freedom and left him in the bed of the truck. As we pulled onto the street where we were going to park, something caught Rooster’s attention. I saw a flash of white and brown in the rear view mirror, and before I could hit the brakes he leapt from the truck while we were driving around 30mph. I heard him yelping as I came to a stop. As I jumped out of my truck I turned to see him standing and yelping with his left leg dangling haphazardly behind him. Each painful cry shot feelings of fear and guilt into my heart. The look on his face was one of pain, and what I thought looked like betrayal. As I gently pick him up and loaded him into the truck I couldn’t shake the thought “I may have just killed my dog”.
The last few days have been full of time, emotional energy, and money spent as a result of my decision to be passive and permissive in my relationship with my dog. The worst part of the situation is that in my intention to show my dog freedom and love, I am now responsible for pain, suffering, and a life altering medical issue that Rooster will deal with for the rest of his life. These are consequences that I cannot fix even though I am responsible for them.
As I have pondered on the situation the last few days, I have started to connect the dots to other areas of life where the price of permissiveness may be taking a toll without my awareness. I have been asking myself some hard questions and I have been uncovering some painful but helpful realities that I can now take some action to change.
I pose the same questions to you:
What is the price of permissiveness in my relationship with my kids? Am I more focused on gaining their acceptance than I am doing my job as a parent?
What is the price of permissiveness in my relationship with my clients? If I don’t push them to change or bring to light the negative patterns in their lives am I doing them a disservice?
How does permissiveness affect my emotional and mental health? Does being passive with my exercise, nutrition, and sleep affect my ability to be a better husband, father, and therapist?
What are the consequences of permissiveness with my moral values? If I believe passionately about certain moral issues, am I doing my own heart and soul any favors by not standing up for them?
What is the price of permissiveness with my finances? Added stress, increased work hours, an extra 17-21% to pay back?
Now, I am not saying that it is never ok to cut someone a break or to soften on a particular stance. I am simply saying that those concessions are often better served as the exception and not the rule. We live in a world that tells us a lie that things should be easy and that people should like us no matter what. It is tempting to give in to the temptations of a permissive and indulgent lifestyle. My experience says that more often, the path of least resistance rarely produces the outcomes we are looking for in most areas of our lives.
Rooster is now a week out of surgery and the consequences for my permissiveness remain to be seen. The price that he is paying with the quality of his life is far greater than the financial price that I am paying to try and fix him. The best I can do now is learn from my mistakes and recommit to living with a little more discipline for the sake of not only myself, but everyone else around me.