Just a few days ago we put on our very first Love-Strong overnight retreat for couples. Early Saturday morning I sat in the darkness on the back deck of a beautiful cabin in Bear Lake, Utah waiting to watch the sunrise The weather did not seem to be cooperating. The sky was dark and dull, the breeze was brisk and a little biting, and there was a constant drizzle of rain that seemed to be threatening to become a downpour.
Each participant was asked to take a few minutes to reflect on a dark time in their own life and to ponder that experience and look for parallels in their own life to the experience of sitting in the dark waiting for the sun to rise.
I sat off to one side contemplating a particularly dark time in my life. As I reflected, I was filled with the old feelings of depression, fear, and shame that accompanied that time. I remember the emotional pain that came to me the day that my wife confronted me about my pornography use and my subsequent hiding and dishonesty. The pain in my heart felt fresh as I remembered the old look in her eyes of sadness, pity, and anger all wrapped into one. I remember the silent oath I took “Tyler, you will never hurt someone again like you have just done to your wife!” The old conviction of that promise began to swell in my breast as I replayed that time in my mind.
As the sky began to grow lighter my thoughts began to turn toward the places in the past where bits of light and hope had started to penetrate my darkness. I thought of the hugs from my kids, the moments of kindness from my wife in subsequent days, the understanding of my ecclesiastical leader, feelings of love that penetrated my own heart as I prayed to God that He could help me become who he needed me to be. The moment my wife looked me in the eyes several months later and said with genuine affection “Tyler, you are a good man, I am glad I still have you”. The thought of inspiration that came to me many days afterward that maybe our darkness could produce something valuable and meaningful in our lives and maybe the lives of others.
My thoughts turned back to the present moment and my eyes became fixed on the horizon. The sky lit silver against the darkness of the rain clouds in full panorama. Through an opening in the cloud cover a beam of light flowed through, turning the lake into a shimmering silver mirror. The sun rays then reflected off of the water and illuminated the clouds above. Despite the rain, and cold, and darkness, everything seemed to be right for that moment.
So it is with our challenges and struggles. Like the rise and fall of the sun, our lives are filled with moments of darkness and light. This seems to be an unavoidable part of life. Our struggles are not fun, and life is filled with plenty of darkness from time to time. If we will but hold on, the light will eventually come. And if we wait patiently, and look with optimistic eyes, the light will not only come, but it will transform the darkness into something immensely beautiful.