How To Jumpstart A Guys Heart

the other day I was out with chel going shopping and I saw something that helped me craft a really good pickup line so you can use this on Reen as much as you need to um all right did you just put Vick's Vapor Rub on my eyes because when I see you I see hot oh God that you'd have to have the perfect setting to use that line Icy Hot all right man I I'm going to use that on my wife probably yeah do it's great she'll love that one oh yeah yeah you know Rihanna yeah she'll definitely roll the eyes um no kind of funny random story connected to that uh Chelsea's Lolo uh no Lola her her grandmother in the Philippines and her her uh Uncle her Tito alwin when he was uh a little kid growing up he kept on waking up in the middle of the night and coming in and like crying to Mom and Dad waking him up and uh and they would ask like hey are you okay and he'd be like yeah and then they' take Vick on his eyelids and send him back to bed he never came back I wouldn't come back either like Big's Vapor Rub like how would you ever sleep then just punishment I know how to sue them shut that down yeah anyway um has nothing to do with the the question I was going to ask but yeah um no how uh how do you jumpstart a guy's heart how do you jump start a guy's heart yeah um you know this is coming on the heels of some people I'm having interactions with and and some people from group that just feels like they're complacent totally indifferent lukewarm um to to making decisions and being agents in their lives to for bettering it and living you know yeah and I I don't know that that's something I necessarily have a hard time with personally like and I'm sure there's plenty of things I get complacent about but I I always have at least this tinge of excitement about something that I can look forward to something yeah something to look forward to yeah and and I don't something to feel alive about yeah so it's it's hard for me to relate to somebody when they're just like yeah whatever you know I don't really care yeah like what what do you care about what do you care about your life nothing like everything's like it's not like it's terrible but everything's just yeah it's fine like just a gray it's like what does your day look like oh well I wake up and I kind of get ready for work and then I go to work and then I come home and then I watch TV and then I maybe fight with my wife a little bit and then I go to bed and I wake up and I do it all over again and then and then when you ask a guy like well would you like something different no you know it's like but but you on the outside like this is what's hard about it is is like you on the outside are going like there's so much more to you like there's life could be life could be so much richer so much more full like and and maybe part of your question is is when is it on us to be the judge of of a guy's life versus how many guys do you know and I think this is what you're really getting at like how many guys do you know that they almost like put on that veneer because they've lost touch with their hearts and because to to do the work to bring it back feels so overwhelming that feels like such a daunting task that what they do is they just kind of settle you know they just kind of like well it's not terrible but you know I can spend the next 50 years just sitting in my cubicle like you know like yeah what what's life anyway you know like that's a tragedy you know and and your question is a good one because that's something I I constantly wondering about myself like how many guys do we work with that are in that sort of just what's the right word for it like Mala yeah they live like almost like a life of just they they wake up and they jump in a big tub of like anesthetic every day it's like okay I'm just numb to the world like I just kind of Coast through my life when when when I believe and you believe that like God is actually calling them to something so much more than that and and that life itself can be so much more rich and vibrant and colorful than just that kind of grayscale sort of a place yeah you know even right no we got out here and this was gray this was gray it was pure gray yeah and I don't know if you can you can probably see a little bit in the background but The Horizon's starting to spark up with some pink and orange and it's it's getting really pretty um and I think that's a lot to do with how light works and God infuses light and life into our lives but um one of the thoughts that I've had is I wonder how much of it do you think is connected to just personality versus I mean I I feel like I've been classified as having a fairly extreme personality and that I can feel a lot of emotion I can feel uh heavy sorrow but I can also feel immense Joy like to the point of crying you know um and everything in between and uh I pursue things that I'm passionate about because they provide an emotional response for me um and even help me to kind of move through some some different turmoils in my life but um I I could attribute a lot of that to being my personality is is it possible that some of the guys were considering or the the you know the Trope that we're coming up with is is that it's a somebody who's got kind of a low-key personality a more laid-back personality oh 100% you know I'm thinking of a couple of the guys you're you're mentioning right now like I think there are some just naturally sort of kind of more calm level stable kinds of personalities and guys out there that just that is kind of more of just like their Baseline I think that's I think that's true however I I even even with somebody who's kind of got a calm level stable sort of like personality there's a difference between living in this kind of numbed out hollowed out husk of your own life kind of of thing versus still still living a life that seems to have some kind of meaning and purpose I I believe that every one of us was designed to pursue growth and meaning and purpose it doesn't matter what our personality is is that's that's kind of hardw into us and I and I actually believe that most of the men we work with even if they have those kinds of personalities they also have the co-occurring problem of having having lost their hearts you know and there's all these reasons for losing your heart I mean you get the crap kicked out of You by life you know you come in to some place and you you know take a couple good cuts at something whether it's a business plan or your marriage or your relationships and you experience some failures you get the wind knocked out of you it's it's hard to want to get back up and be like oh that was fun let's go do that again you know um and I think too often too many guys end up sort of like Simba and The Lion King when he goes off with Pumba and tone for hakuna matata like hey no responsibility no pressures I'm going to let go of all of that stuff and and I'm just going to try to live in this space of like no worries but but in doing so they they also start to sell themselves short a little bit and and I believe that they're harming themselves because they're selling the world short of what they could offer the world right like all these guys we know are awesome guys like they're really cool guys that that are in some ways depriving the people around them of a more full expression of themselves yeah and and and so so the grayscale that's going on in their own lives is actually being perpetuated into the lives of the people around them that they that mean the most to them you know um you know one of the things that I was hearing recently in a a podcast um it's from Jordan Peterson getting interviewed by somebody and he was talking about how pursuing truth and living in truth is what will lead to your Greatest Adventure and I one of the things I kind of want to delineate is that Adventure doesn't necessarily mean that you're off you know jumping from helicopters and you know kissing the girl at the bar or like doing doing some kind of Wild Thing per se as much as that you're just fully engaged in your life and God's revealing all of the goodness that you have in yourself to you yeah and helping you manifest that goodness into the world for other people and um you know because I I do think there's a little bit of a a misnomer there when some of the times that at least I get excited and passionate about things it's it's not things that other people are passionate about per se and you know to to be able to clarify and say hey it doesn't have to be this it's it's more about the process of connecting your heart to God and letting him show you who you truly are and helping you identify your own individual purpose not Chase's purpose or Tyler's purpose um you don't have to become a a therapist and help heal their hearts or you know whatever it is um is is for you and your unique path um so is that something do you do you think people get caught up in kind of misunderstanding what yeah I think sometimes when we even I like with when you said how do you like jump start a guy's heart like you you've seen me before like want to like shake a guy or like yell out or I think I did that like this week you know I mean it's a good thing it's over Zoom or there be there' be some there would have been there would have been like dude wake up like get in your heart like I want to just grab them like just shake them and I want to squeeze their heart and pump blood through it like come on you know like you know and so like I think because of that maybe there is that like feeling like oh I better get out jumping out of helicopters and doing everything else I think what you're saying is actually more in line with things and then here's where again I don't I don't need to play God and I shouldn't play God but if a guy comes to me and he's like hey God made me like I am sit on the couch and watch TV and eat potato chips guy like that's who God made me to be I can't argue with that I just happen to call right you're right you know like like so I like how you say you're not arguing with that but then call that's my own I'm just saying I'm just saying that's my own judgment because I happen to just believe something different so but but I believe I believe I believe every man I believe every man if he has the eyes to see and the ears to hear and he has the willingness to wrestle with God that he will systematically uncover parts of himself where God says these are parts of you and this is how I want you to use yourself as an instrument right every single one of us is actually our life experience helps with this our personalities help with this our intellect helps with this it all comes together to form this perfect recipe of something that can provide something meaningful to the people around us in the world that we live in and and if we Sher those responsibilities if you want to call use the word responsibility I hesitate CU people hate that word but like if you sh the truth of that you end up playing small and you end up living a life that is at best numb yeah and then you're looking for and then that's where we run into guys that then have other things play out sideways because the numbness is there and then they end up needing to either continue to numb so then they pursue their addictions or they're looking for something to give them a spike but they pursue it in ways that are against their values and then they end up feeling more miserable and the wind knocked out of them more and then they go back to trying to be safe you know and yeah I mean again I'm not the judge you know if you come to me and you're like although there probably will be some judgment like hey Tyler I am the guy who needs to know what it's like to just be on welfare eat Twinkies all day I need to know what it's like to be 450 lbs and be as sedentary as possible God that's God says I am twinky guy like you know like all right tell me what you learn and serve your purpose I guess but I just don't think that's who God is like you know I think it's more likely that God's going to come to you and be like hey Chase like you know you're you're creative and you're passionate and you're social and you're going to combine all those things to do some good in this world right and and anybody else listening to this I believe that God is trying to reach your heart the same way he's trying to reach our hearts and systematically help us grow into something more um so so what does that look like oh I think I think it's that I think it's the willingness to put ourselves in the arena of wrestling with God of doing an assessment of our lives and saying like what are my life experiences and the things that I've learned as a result of the things I've been through hard things trauma like our traumas are actually the birthplace a lot of times for the most poignant parts of ourselves that we can grow into and offer to other people um you know doing an inventory of our personal traits and and then saying okay like what are what are my strengths my strengths are different than yours right and my strengths my life experiences and then of course what I believe are some confirmations and spiritual promptings that come from God when they start to come together you don't get it all at once at least I don't it's like they these things get shown in Stepping Stones yeah in little yeah like yeah like uncovering the layers of an onion and but when they all start to come together more and more it almost becomes fun to go and say what's the next layer like I prefer parfait myself sick with a Napoleon but but it's like this it becomes fun that's almost its own part of the journey to be like okay like I am I am now in a vein of my life where I'm like I I like I like the mining that I'm doing right now I like that I feel like I've got purpose and that God's showed me that you know I can help people and I can help people men become more and and yet something's going to happen that we'll say oh pivot this way or pivot that way or do this and and that'll be good because it'll be part of The Growing Experience right no no how do you get now how do you get a guy to actually accept the truth of that like I'm thinking of The Lion King thing again like what what gets Simba what gets Simba after he like he disappears right he's like man I'm a schmuck I killed my dad I'm going to disappear he's in total shame his trauma is just burying him and so he's out numbing his life out eating bugs in the wilderness and singing Hakuna Matata but he knows deep inside there's still that thing inside of him that knows there's more to life than what he's doing right well what what gets him to accept the truth of his Birthright as the one true king I'm I'm gonna say it's Nala yeah Nala it's a little more than that yeah yeah Nala is like his Nala was his best buddy plus she's hot right she she comes and finds him stumbles into him they they reconnect as friend friends and she's kind of like the one that's like Dude like what are you doing like what what are you doing and then Rafiki comes along and smacks him over the head with a stick and is like dude like go go reconnect to the truth right so then he has this spiritual experience he has guidance from like this old wise one and then he has this sort of like call up from someone who he really cares about and respects and and when he has all of that he has this moment where he then connects to what do what does what does you know muasa say to him in the clouds you've forgotten who you are and and doing so you've forgotten me right well I mean not to get too spiritual with Mufasa but like that's kind of what we do with God we come to this earth we were already built to be loved we were already built to grow and then the world kicked us around and we forget ourselves and in forgetting ourselves we actually forget God sometimes we even wrestle with God don't believe in God don't even know if he's there anymore think he hates us maybe he's cursing us when in reality the world has now dictated to us who we are rather than the truth truth of who we've always been and we have to learn to accept the truth and start to shed the layers of the false things that that the pain of the world has put over us Yeah man so um so much going through my head right now but one of the directions that i' I'd kind of be curious to go um might feel a little bit like an aside but um I've I've noticed in my own life and with some of the people that are around me that have become kind of more complacent it seems like they were uh through religion a lot of the time given a mandate that was almost too too much to bear like too much responsibility too much responsibility and I don't know and maybe um maybe this is kind of more about dialectic but um where I remember being younger and being taught um it's incumming upon me to save other people to save lives like I have to save people and and hearing that message over and over again and not really hearing as much a message of like uh you know this is being vers becoming again goes back to that like that you're you're good as you are keep you know uh find the connection to God and just being me as the chubby little Fifth Fifth Grader you know yeah um instead I'm hearing you have to change you have to become more so that you can go save all these people and then becomes overwhelming of like who what a burden because I'm not up to the task and if the guy that I'm the people that I'm looking to as mentors in this are either Christ who's perfect or some others who still seem unattainable and you don't see their imperfections then how how do you how how do you take a guy who has been um kind of educated in that way and and I'm not saying that that message is wrong per se as much as sometimes in its perversion yeah it's it can be wrong and and apply too much stress and pressure uh the urgency of like every action you take has to be for the betterment of someone around you right and that's that's kind of on the other side of the spectrum instead of it being like I'm I'm complacent um and I don't really care about anything it's I care about everything all the time so much so that it's causing me anxiety and you know guys go through life living that way for a while and then they realize like this is too much like I'm I'm going to break I I will never live up to this bar and they swing the other direction into this place of now I'm just going to numb now just like I can't settle for mediocrity yeah right yeah well I I talked about that perversion of those things it's like whether that comes from the outside you know maybe a culture or a church or a parent or something or I believe it actually a lot of times comes from the inside what what is the perversion like the pervers isn't the responsibility itself right right right that's where everyone everyone wants to pin it on the responsibility or the outside source that gave the responsibility right but the perversion is actually the way that it's viewed at least from the lens I'm hearing you talk and what I'm at least from my perspective the perversion and I relate through this because I live this way for a long time in my life as soon as I save all those people as soon as I'm good but as soon as I keep these certain Commandments then I'll be lovable then I'll be good enough like that's the perversion it's and I think I think the wrestle is is all of us working to return from that perversion to the truth which is dude you're already awesome like cuz you just took this breath and you're living breathing being and you're lovable and um and you're special and you have certain abilities and traits that are all coming together to make you just you and boy you know what when you're that like you could save a lot of people and you and the inside out goes of course I wouldn't want to do that like of course I want to be that person of course I want to do those things but it's the acceptance of the I think you said it earlier the acceptance of the truth that's already in us which is that every single living human being is already it's like stupid Kung Fu Panda like when he opens up the dragon scroll and what does he see like there he's been fighting to get this Dragon scroll to find the secret of like what makes you know the the Dragon Warrior he pulls it open and it's like this blank mirror and then what does he say it's like there is no secret ingredient it's it's all it's already it's already built into us like we already have the goods we already have the makings of it we need to accept it and once we accept it then we just choose to live according to those things right like so when you say the perversion I I think the world has this like so many even us at times like I lose sight of these things it's just natural but we have scales over our eyes we we look we we look at this world we look at our own lives from an already tinted perspective and we don't even know it a lot of the time right and we don't know that we could change the tint because we just live that way right and then life hurts sometimes and if we look at it and when life hurts we look at it in certain ways and then we have a tendency to continue to to just accept The Tint that's already been placed rather than going man like you're looking at it like I'm thinking of a couple little guys in our group they literally look at life with they just got these big blue lenses and they're just like everything is blue like okay like my life like you know what would happen if they just put rosecolor tint over the top of it instead like the same world would be going on around us it would just look and feel a lot different like and and we have the power to change the lens we just don't even realize it because it's so hardwired into US sometimes so pausing and realizing that we do have that power and I'm I'm getting on a tangent now but you know I don't know I hope that answers your question but no I I I do think that that's it is finding the the right balance between those things and more than anything more than anything pursuing the the truth and being willing to accept the truth um in whatever form that's given you know sometimes I think it's a kick to the crotch sometimes it's a a warm bra sometimes it comes in that form