Build Confidence And Decrease Depression

how can i build confidence and decrease depression today we're going to talk about one specific tool that can help us in building healthy emotions in our life becoming more emotionally intelligent while building confidence in ourselves at the same time that we can decrease depression what's going on you guys i'm tyler wandering therapist i'm excited to be here with you today i frequently get this question how do i overcome depression and also how do i build more confidence in myself and i would just want to share one specific tool with you today to think about that can actually help with both of these things building confidence and decreasing your depression by building a strong emotional base for yourself and this tool is called building mastery it's it's a simple term many of you are already doing it you're probably doing it right now in your life in some way without recognizing it or knowing it but doing it with intention is one way that you can build yourself up at the same time that you can create a solid base of emotional foundation for yourself to protect yourself from feelings of depression or feelings of self-criticism or self-hatred so the build mastery skill is the idea that i'm going to find something in my life that is going to get some dedicated time and energy and intention and effort into developing that thing until i become a master at it and there's some things that happen when i become a master at something it allows me to understand that i'm a few things the first one is that i'm capable of developing and growing when i'm putting time into something and i'm building a skill set over the course of that time that i put into it i will inevitably get better at it and it reinforces the growth mindset that we're looking for in a whole hearted life instead of a fixed mindset we we so often get stuck in a fixed mindset feeling like this is just who we are and we can't change we can't grow but when we're putting our time into something we can becoming better at something we challenge that narrative in our head and we realize that we are capable of continued and constant growth in our life and and it helps us to continue to then build confidence in ourselves the second thing that it does is it allows us to spend our time on something useful instead of all of that time going to something that's going to be numbing or useless or cause us to feel less than about ourselves because we've wasted our time when we dedicate ourselves to a cause for something whether it's a hobby or a passion or part of our purpose we are now using our time and our energy in an effective way that allows us to be able to go to bed on a clear conscience and there's no better feeling in the world than going to bed on a clear conscience the next thing that this does is it allows us to have something to fall back on so if you have a terrible day you can still fall back on the idea that at least i know i'm good at blank whatever that is you're choosing to do you can fall back on something and remind yourself that you're not a total failure just because you've had a hard day you're still good at x y or z whatever it is that you've chosen to build mastery on so i want to give you a couple of examples of this and how this works the first one is with the man that i worked with a long long time ago i was sitting in my office teaching him this skill and we were talking about he was trying to overcome some addictions he was trying to overcome some depression and we talked about the build mastery skill and he left the office and he decided that he was going to learn more about horses his family had some horses he wanted to get into horses and understand horses better so he started spending time every day reading books watching youtube videos he went and got a little bit of a summer job on the side where he built fence for a farmer all summer in order to earn enough money to buy himself a horse and once he bought a horse he then took everything he'd been watching and reading and he started training his horse and over the course of the next few years he went from knowing nothing about horses to owning a horse to training a horse to taking his horse up to the next state over from me in idaho and winning a competition on his horse as a result of all the training that he did and i found this out after several years of not really talking to him or seeing him i bumped into him and i said what what's been the best thing in your recovery process and he said the build mastery skill and my time spent with the horses was never wasted it was always good for me even when it was hard even on the days that i wasn't doing well with the horses or the training wasn't going right i was still putting my time and energy into something that meant something to me and that mattered and over the course of that time he became a master at it and he was able to then trust himself and build confidence and realize that he was capable of doing those things he was also capable of doing hard things which is something that all of us need to come to a realization of one more example of this is something that happened for me several years ago i was living in idaho at the time and i had heard about this place where you could go fishing at night time and catch really big fish and i didn't really know what i was doing but i figured i'd try it one night so i drove myself out to this place and i had no clue what i was doing and i kind of rigged something up on my fishing rod that i thought might work and i spent the better part of a night catching nothing but i did notice that up above me upstream there was an old man that was pulling out fish after fish and i thought i wonder what he's doing he's got to be doing something and i kind of packed my stuff up and i walked upstream kind of close to him and at first he was a little bit bothered by the fact that i was there he kept turning around and like looking like what was i doing and then i just introduced myself and started talking with him and after i talked with him for a few minutes he said hey i noticed you downstream it looked like you weren't having much luck and i said yeah i don't really know what i'm doing i'm just up here trying to learn and he said well why don't you come down and let me show you what i do and he then showed me exactly what he was doing the knots that he had tied the types of flies that he was using the uh the way he had rigged his rod up where he was casting what parts of the current he was putting it in and he basically gave me a lesson on how he was doing what he was doing and that went and turned into kind of a passion for me where for the next several weekends after getting the kids in bed i'd pack my stuff up and i go back out to the same spot and i started putting into practice the things that he had taught me and over the course of a year or two going fairly frequently i was able to go from not knowing what i was doing to being able to catch 20 or 30 fish in a couple of hours every single night sometimes some really big fish to then being able to take a friend or two with me and teach them the same things that had been taught to me and in doing that it built my confidence it also allowed me to be a better friend and it allowed me to have a higher level of quality of life because i had something to look forward to i had something to add vibrance and color to living and that's what the building mastery skill can do for us is it adds vibrance and color it teaches us to grow into ourselves to continue to be a work in progress it allows us to use our talents and skills that we develop for the betterment of other people which leads to deeper connection and as a result we have less depression so challenge for you is to think about what is it in your life that you want to go pursue in building mastery maybe it's a hobby to start with maybe it's something you've always wanted to do maybe it's you know some type of educational thing that you want to do that you've always wanted to do but held yourself back from it only takes the first step today and it takes the next step tomorrow it only takes one step today but think about what that is in your life and commit yourself and commit some of your time intentionally to pursuing those things and you will increase in the quality of your life have a great day thank you so much for being here with me if you found this to be valuable for you please hit the like and subscribe button if you're facing particular struggles that you need help with or roadblocks that you're running into please submit a question i'd be happy to answer it for you [Music] you