Ok, I have an admission to make. I have a problem that borders on addiction. I often feel frustrated, shameful, and even hopeless at times with my problem. I have been working for a long time on trying to develop a more healthy relationship with the food I eat. I have come to realize that I often use food as a way of coping with Emotional pain instead of physical hunger. It is not uncommon after a hard day to find me at the local gas station loading up a jumbo hot dog with toppings, and grabbing something that has been sitting under a hot lamp for several hours, hoping the grease and fat will act as some sort of emotional salve to the stress I am feeling.
The crazy thing is that it actually seems to work in the short term. The problem is that in order to diminish my emotions I have to increase my waistline and risk of a heart attack. Often, in the aftermath of another food induced coma I will have a dialogue with myself that goes something like this: “Tyler, you are unbelievable, you have no self- control, always seem to let yourself down, and I am disgusted with you. You of all people should know better than this”. Inevitably I decide that I will never do it again, only to find myself (sometimes the same day) back in the glow of the hot lamp looking for my next fix.
Does this sound familiar?
Why is it that we so frequently try to motivate ourselves to change with the part of us that is critical, shaming, and negative?
The reality is that the part of us that is best at change and growth is our loving, forgiving, compassionate self. Duke University recently produced a study on self -forgiveness (https://www.cfscamp.com/adams-leary-eating-attitudes.pdf) that points to this end. In the study, several body conscious women were asked to eat a donut and drink a glass of water quickly-immediately followed by a “candy taste test”. Half of the women were given a message of self-forgiveness while the other half were left to their own self critical thinking. Results showed that those who received a message of self-forgiveness ate 28grams of candy compared to 70grams of candy for those who did not receive the message.
It might sound backward, but the next time you slip on your goals you might try something like; “I feel pretty bad right now, it’s ok, I can keep working, I am human, I am a work in progress”. It can’t be any worse than the alternative, and who knows, it might actually help you move closer to your best self.
– Tyler Patrick, LMFT