This post is dedicated to my little brother, Brannon, and a valuable lesson that he continues to teach me.
Brannon and I grew up in the suburbs of Salt Lake City, Utah with what most people would consider the All-American Childhood. Being just 15 months apart in age, we grew up as best friends and did almost everything together as boys. We went to the same schools, played on the same sports teams, and caused the same neighborhood mischief together. From the outside we appeared to be living parallel lives. There was really only one major difference….. Everything seemed to come easy to me while Brannon had to scratch and fight for all of his success.
In school I earned straight A’s almost without trying and was moved to the extended learning program, Brannon was placed in speech therapy. Sports came naturally to me and I quickly excelled to top level teams, Brannon worked really hard, but sometimes struggled to find playing time. In church, I was given many leadership positions, Brannon often flew under the radar.
When we were around 12 and 11 years old, my father decided to help us learn how to work. He found a couple of elderly men who lived just a couple of blocks away from us who were looking for someone to do their yearly lawn care. I was assigned to take care or Mr. Brown. Brannon was assigned to Mr. Thomas who lived just across the street from Mr. Brown. Each week we would tether the lawn mower to our bike and pedal around the neighborhood to do our lawn jobs.
In the first couple of weeks I quickly realized out how “lucky” I was to be assigned to Mr Brown. I found out that he already owned a lawn mower and that I could use it without having to pedal ours around the neighborhood any more. His grass grew slowly and was easy to maintain. He frequently paid me extra just out of the kindness of his heart and never criticized my work.
Brannon’s experience with Mr. Thomas was almost the opposite. The grass grew like a rain forest and Brannon often had to mow it twice. Mr Thomas frequently criticized the work and often either asked Brannon to re-do work or paid him less.There were many days when I would finish at Mr. Brown’s and be back home before Brannon even finished Mr. Thomas’s front yard.
And thus it went, I went on living a charmed life of oblivious bliss while Brannon battled his way through our growing up years. I was missing out on a pivotal lesson that is crucial to a happy and healthy life, while my brother was unknowingly developing knowledge of a key principle: The simple truth that hard is good.
Fast forward to adult life and the struggles of trying to run a successful private practice. Both Brannon and I have a similar skill set. The difference is in our ability to embrace the risk of failure. Because things have typically come easy for me, I have had a difficult time accepting failure and realizing that one of the greatest ways to learn and to grow is to work hard and fail. In several instances, when things have gotten hard and have not just “worked out” like I’m used to, I have found myself ,being paralyzed by fear and confusion. I am currently in the process of learning the hard way to confront fear and embrace failure as a means of growth and progress.
Brannon, on the other hand, is right at home in the midst of struggle and challenge. He has grown up learning to expect that things very often do not work out the first time and that much of life’s learning resides in the struggle. He has learned that failing is a part of being human, not a definition of self. He is not afraid to take a chance or make a decision because he knows that he is likely to win either way. Either the decision will work out, or he will be able to gain more learning so that his next decision will be more likely to succeed. As a result, he is finding great success in his business.
As I struggle to learn the benefits of struggle, and as I continue to look up to my little brother when I see him embrace difficult things I am reminded of the words of a favorite poem written by William Ernest Henley:
Invictus
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole
I thank whatever Gods may be
For my unconquerable soul
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloodied but unbowed
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me unafraid
It matters not how strait the gate
How charged with punishment the scroll
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul.
If we could all look at our current life struggles through the battle tested eyes of my little brother, we might find that in the midst of the pain is an endless opportunity to develop strength and embrace continual learning and progress. Regardless of the details, we are all afforded the same opportunity to learn simply because we are alive. Thanks for the example little brother.