The Willingness Skill

The willingness skill is one of my favorite reality acceptance skills. It's to be used when you're having a really hard time, when you're struggling with something in your life, when things aren't going your way. And it's a little bit more than just radically accepting it. It's actually learning to embrace it. So the Willing Heart is tied to the principle of humility, and in humility we accept reality as it is the good and the bad. We accept who we are, as we are good and bad. Willingness is tied to the principle of humility because it says I'm willing to accept that reality is what it is. And as a result of accepting the reality of what things are I can start to see the landscape of my life and find gratitude for even the struggles that I'm in because they're going to teach me and help me to grow and I can embrace that it's part of life, which then allows me to use it as fuel for becoming a better person or overcoming a struggle or gaining meaning and purpose in my life. The person with the willing heart says ”I'll do whatever it takes to reach whatever goals I need to, despite my circumstances.” Contrast that against the principle of willfulness, where we are trying to dictate to the world how it should be. When it doesn't line up to how we say it should be, we feel cheated and we feel miserable and we suffer more deeply. The willful person is like the 3 year old child at the grocery store who wants a pack of gum at the checkout line and their mom won't give it to him. So they roll around and start their feet and throw a big fit. Ultimately hopefully they don't get the pack of gum. They're just more miserable and they suffer more because they won't accept the reality of things. The willing person says, ”that gum would rot my teeth out anyway, so it's probably a good thing that I don't have it; it's OK life's going to move on. If I really want a package of gum I'm going to go do whatever it takes by doing my chores at home or doing something else to earn the money to go buy my pack of gum.” So it's being able to live life on its terms, embrace life on its terms, and be grateful for the fact that even in my struggles there's going to be some purpose.