In this video we talk about the differences between guilt and shame and what can you do to move away from shame to guilt and how to move forward. Some of these feelings help us grow and improve, whereas other make us feel like we are stuck unworthy of love and connection. Shame is a soul-eating emotion that only leads to isolation.
January 28, 2023
what is the difference between guilt and shame today in this video you guys we're going to talk a little bit about the differences physiologically and emotionally between guilt and shame we're going to talk also a little bit about what you can do and how you can move from shame to guilt so that you can actually get something done with those feelings when they come up [Music] all right guys I'm excited to talk to you guys today with a little bit about guilt and shame this is a really common topic right now in our world a lot of people have a lot of different ideas on what guilt and shame are most of us associate words like guilt and shame and humiliation and embarrassment all into one kind of category and actually they're fundamentally different and there's a reason why we need to understand how they're different because some of those emotions allow us to move and change and grow and become productive and some of those emotions actually grind us to a halt and they fuel depression and anxiety and so today we're going to break apart the difference between shame and guilt so the first thing we want to talk about today is Shame Shame is a soul-eating emotion it's this feeling that we all get every one of us as a human being has this feeling come up inside us from time to time we learn it from a very early young age but it's a feeling that there is something fundamentally wrong with me that I am flawed that I'm imperfect and as a result these flaws and Imperfections they make me Unworthy of love and connection and I learned to operate with a currency of Shame as I grow up when I make mistakes and I get rejection from other people or judgment from other people and I start to believe that my mistakes not only are mistakes but they Define me as a human being and that is the feeling of shame that soul-leading emotion that I'm not enough the problem with shame is that it leads to isolation meaning I pull away from connection with other people a lot of times I pull away from connection with my higher power because I feel Unworthy of those connections of that love it leads to insulation meaning I bury myself in certain things and I feel shame with more shameful thoughts of self-judgment and all the things that are wrong with me and it causes me to be totally isolated and alone guilt on the other hand is an emotion that can happen at the same time when we could possibly have shame where maybe we make a mistake maybe we do something wrong but guilt is an emotion it doesn't feel good for me it's actually like a pit in my stomach but it's motivation guilt says whoops I made a mistake I did something that's not in line with my values and that feeling pushes me to do something different to learn to grow to go and make amends for the mistake that I made guilt is a motivator most people don't associate guilt as a motivator because guilt quickly turns into shame and then shame redefines me and keeps me stuck in my same place so a couple of thoughts of how you guys might recognize shame and guilt in your life and try to move shame from a shameful stuck Place into guilt where you can actually move with it and change and grow one is to check your physiology if you look at how you experience shame and guilt there might be some subtle differences for me my shame gets this cloud in my head I get heavy in my shoulders everything wants to sink in I kind of get this like pit in my stomach and it kind of like wants to close my whole physiology off whereas when I have a feeling of guilt I get some of those feelings I get that pit in my stomach but I also get an increased heart rate and I get this feeling of wanting to move or take action so if I like yelled at my kid today if I feel shame I'm going to go into my bedroom I'm going to close off my body's going to shut down and then I'm going to not do anything about it whereas if I feel guilt I'm going to walk away I'm going to calm down and I'm going to go right back in and I'm gonna go make amends with my kids and say hey I'm sorry I yelled at you what I should have done is said this or how I should have set the boundaries this way so notice the physiology start to pay attention to your body when you feel those painful emotions and start to connect the Doss between what shame is and what guilt is when you recognize that you're in shame remember that shame is I am blank guilt is I did blink so if you recognize that you're in shame and you recognize there's some self-judgment there see if you can change that self-judgment from an absolute I am blank into oh I did some things that don't line up with my values or I made this one mistake or just because I did this one thing this time doesn't mean I'm always this way and start to give yourself room to not have it always be absolute and then it'll give you a chance to start moving back into reaching out connecting making amends looking at your life from a growth perspective and and being able to move forward with your life so remember guilt I did something wrong shame I am wrong or I am bad that's the main difference and guilt is a good thing motivation movement shame is paralyzing and it causes me to shrink Inward and disappear from connection so you guys have an awesome day thank you so much for being here with me if you found this to be valuable for you please hit the like And subscribe button if you're facing particular struggles that you need help with or roadblocks that you're running into please submit a question I'd be happy to answer it for you [Music]